I was raped 28/29 April ’11 the year after I graduated. I went on a vacation with a bunch of friends. The first two night were great, we partied and had a great time together...
On the 28th we started drinking early, because the rugby was on and we started playing drinking card games... About 7 o’clock everybody decided they wanted
To go out to a club and end the night there, but as I already had too much to drink so I said I’m going to stay the night in and get in bed early. I wasn’t drunk though, but I knew where my limits were.... So that is what the plan was.
Everyone was gone and I went to get ready to for bed. About an hour later I heard a noise at the window... Seen at it was flats we rented there were people all around and I didn’t
Think much of it.. I got up to look, but as I got to the bedroom door something hit me over the head... I blanked out. When I woke up they had already taken their clothes off, as well as mine, they held me down on the floor and said those word “You are with us now baby”... I didn’t know what to think, I thought I knew what was going to happen and then I didn’t.
My mind was already a mess... But then, one of them put their hands on me, rubbed me everywhere he could. As he was getting out his knife and getting rough, the other one started
To sodomize me with his hands, with an empty bottle and different objects (I kind of hit a blank at that time so don’t know exactly what else or what they had done for a time)....
When I woke up again it was of more pain I felt, but wasn’t like the pain of earlier... The one had started carving words into me with his knife (don’t know what as it’s in a different
Language)... it hurt so bad, and I though that maybe they were done and on their way, but then he said “we are only getting started now baby, don’t you like the excitement?’”
I am still a virgin is what went through my mind, but it wasn’t to be long anymore... I felt ashamed, dirty, my whole world crashed there... They then started raping me, at first
I was on my back as they made turns... One would rape me and the other put their genitals in my mouth, i felt like I could breathe.... And even when they turned me, one would do
It from behind as if i was like some dog or something and the other one in front of me pushing me onto him... I must have blanked out again, because I couldn’t really remember anything
From there on... All i could remember after that was that at some stage we were in the bathroom, and they had taken the shower point off from the hose... they had put the warm water
On in me or that is at least how it fealt like... After that is just a blank...
I woke up in hospital some time later that day... Police tried to get my statement then, but everything was so fuzzy... So when they came back two days later, and I could give them some
Of what I did remember for the statement. They told me that the cameras showed that they came in at about 10:12 and only left 4:36, and added that I’m lucky to have survived as they bind my feet to the top bed of the bunk beds for all my blood to flow to my brain...
I fell pregnant as a result of that. I couldn’t go for an abortion as I had this fear of being touched again... So for the entire pregnancy I only went for scans, and ended up giving birth
Prematurely to a baby girl. My entire family was against it, and the plan was to give her up for adoption, but could do that either... Sometimes it’s still tough with her being here, but
She is something beautiful out of something horrible that happened...
I still struggle everyday to cope and everyday is still a battle for me, I’ve tried committing suicide, but luckily it didn’t work... So from then on I decided that I’m going to try or at least
For the sake of my daughter....
I still feel dirty, ashamed, guilty, have no self worth, but every day is one step closer to the day I can cope, and love my daughter even more than I do know....
So that is what happened to me, i’m sorry for the graphic detail... But maybe somebody will know that they are not alone in what they are feeling....
Kind Regards,
K
Thank you, K, so much for sharing this, and especially for your courage in raising your daughter. I admire that you chose to let her live despite the unfortunate circumstances by which she was conceived, and I am whole-heartedly impressed that you have chosen to raise her yourself. You are truly and inspiration, and definitely not alone.
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