June Flower's Story

We were in my kitchen of my new home in the suburbs not far from where I grew up. My father and his new wife were visiting. My daughter was nine months old. His wife was holding her up in her arms. My father leaned in and stuck his tongue in the baby’s ear. She giggled. He said,”Oh she likes that!” 

Waves of nausea hit me from nowhere. Flashes of something I couldn’t see yet were hitting my brain. I knew it was wrong. It was my father. It was bad. I kicked him out. I grabbed the baby and kicked them out. 

The flashback hit me so hard, I thought I would die. The night before it happened, my Father had discovered my boyfriend and I in my room at night. But he didn’t come in or say anything.The next night he got his revenge. I was reading. He pulled me out of bed. Threw me against my dresser. He tore off my clothes. He sodomized me very violently. I was on the ceiling watching. But I could feel it when I remembered. It felt like a cattleprod. When it was over I fell to the ground, he called me a whore and had me lick his penis before he left. That night I went to my therapist. He said I had severe PTSD and sent me to the hospital. My pulse was 150 bpm. My blood pressure was through the roof. I stayed there for a month. 

By the end, the nurses convinced me to confront my Father. I did. Before he could prepare a response, he said,”Oh yeah.” Then he tried to deny it. We haven’t spoke since. That was 12 years ago. 
My memory had blankness from birth to age 19 for most of my childhood. I am just now remembering more of what happened. The above story is only the beginning and what started my recovery. 


I am now 39 years old and finally truly facing what happened to me. I pushed away that initial memory for years until I couldn't function anymore. I suffer from complex PTSD and Dissociative Identity Disorder. I startle easily at any noise. I'm scared to go out especially at night. I don't trust anyone and have difficulty making friends. I have nightmares sometimes for weeks and then sometimes I have flashbacks during the day. They feel real and like I am back in the trauma. Its as if it all just happened. It is difficult to live this way. Recently I was diagnosed with DID and have since found that I have eleven alters so far. Sometimes when I switch I don't remember, sometimes, I am co-present with them. My therapist says that with a lot of hard work, I can get better. But it will take a long time and will be painful. We feel its not fair.