I will always find it difficult not to blame the fact that i was born with no a**hole which resulted in the abuse that i endured for all those years.
At the the age of 2 the sexual abuse started at the hands of a male and female day care manager. I loved going to this day care venue but unfortunately my mother had to return to work and therefore a bus started collecting me from home early in the morning. As a special treat several of us were allowed to stay up rather than go for an afternoon sleep. Unfortunately it was during this time that the sexual abuse occured.
At the age of 4 a female neighbour who was about 12 at the time allowed us to go into her backyard to see the pet chickens. Wow this was a special treat but the price was to let her see what the drs had done to save our life. So ecause i was use to removing my clothing for adults to show my bottom I naturally removed my clothes for her as well. regrettably tis led to far more than just showing her what the drs had done over the next 4 years including me having sex with her and her testing to see if the doctors had done their job properly and created an anus that could endure all kinds of things being forced into it.
At the age of 5, for 12 months, I was sodomised by my older step brother which to this stage is probably the event I have dealt with the least out of all the experiences Ive had.
At the age of 8 as I was experiencing yet another event with the female neighbour her father caught us and brought us inside the house. The was to be the start of 3 years of sexual abuse within a pedophile ring of 7 adults. Most of the time this occured with 5 people at a time with 3 people having their way with me at once. I was also forced to recruit other children into the ring.
As a result of being incontinent i occured severe bullying at school from the time I entered elementary school until the time i ended high school.
As a result i have developed several mental illnesses with the main ones being DID (multiple personality disorder), boarderline personality disorder and schizoid personality disorder.
I have resorted to several unhealthy coping strategies including self harminng, gambling addiction, addiction to pornography, bulimia, binge eating, inappropriate use of over the counter medication.
I have OD several times and ended up on life support. I have spent long periods of time in a mental hospital.
The biggest thing i have learnt is that we never asked to be on this journey but with time and patience we can get through this to the other side and that we are all worthy fighting for the opportunity to be the person God created us to be.
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