June Flower's Story

We were in my kitchen of my new home in the suburbs not far from where I grew up. My father and his new wife were visiting. My daughter was nine months old. His wife was holding her up in her arms. My father leaned in and stuck his tongue in the baby’s ear. She giggled. He said,”Oh she likes that!” 

Waves of nausea hit me from nowhere. Flashes of something I couldn’t see yet were hitting my brain. I knew it was wrong. It was my father. It was bad. I kicked him out. I grabbed the baby and kicked them out. 

The flashback hit me so hard, I thought I would die. The night before it happened, my Father had discovered my boyfriend and I in my room at night. But he didn’t come in or say anything.The next night he got his revenge. I was reading. He pulled me out of bed. Threw me against my dresser. He tore off my clothes. He sodomized me very violently. I was on the ceiling watching. But I could feel it when I remembered. It felt like a cattleprod. When it was over I fell to the ground, he called me a whore and had me lick his penis before he left. That night I went to my therapist. He said I had severe PTSD and sent me to the hospital. My pulse was 150 bpm. My blood pressure was through the roof. I stayed there for a month. 

By the end, the nurses convinced me to confront my Father. I did. Before he could prepare a response, he said,”Oh yeah.” Then he tried to deny it. We haven’t spoke since. That was 12 years ago. 
My memory had blankness from birth to age 19 for most of my childhood. I am just now remembering more of what happened. The above story is only the beginning and what started my recovery. 


I am now 39 years old and finally truly facing what happened to me. I pushed away that initial memory for years until I couldn't function anymore. I suffer from complex PTSD and Dissociative Identity Disorder. I startle easily at any noise. I'm scared to go out especially at night. I don't trust anyone and have difficulty making friends. I have nightmares sometimes for weeks and then sometimes I have flashbacks during the day. They feel real and like I am back in the trauma. Its as if it all just happened. It is difficult to live this way. Recently I was diagnosed with DID and have since found that I have eleven alters so far. Sometimes when I switch I don't remember, sometimes, I am co-present with them. My therapist says that with a lot of hard work, I can get better. But it will take a long time and will be painful. We feel its not fair.

Amelia's Story

At the age of 2 I was taken away from my biological mother and put in a foster home.  There were 10 foster children including me.  There I was sexually, physically and emotionally abused by this foster family.  Although my memories are fuzzy or non- existent, I remember my foster father touching me at the age of 4.  This man also sexually abused his own biological daughter I was told years later.  The foster parents had children of their own, 5, to be exact.  They in turn, especially the sons, whom I called uncles, sexually, physically and emotionally abused their own children.  4 of the children turned out to be alcoholics.  This household was very dysfunctional as well as extremely abusive.  When I was 16 and both foster parents had passed away I was put in their daughter, Fran's, house.  Fran was sexually abused by not only her father (the foster father) but also by her brother.  The sexual abuse in this family was rampant.

I was also raped at the age of 9 or later by the drunken man across the street.  He would give me quarters and touch me.  To this day I still do not see the rape but have had flashbacks of a rape happening to me.

I always wondered why I hated the very person I was.  It was not until I was 40 that I started this journey to healing. My life after I was married was having one affair after another with different men.  I was involved in swinging as well.  When I look back at that behavior I understand why I did what I did.  These men set me up to believe that sex equaled love.  I was desperate for attention, and these men paid attention to me and used me, knowing how needy I was.

 I have stopped acting out with other men.  I refused to hurt the wounded child inside of me any longer.  With each encounter with other men, the shame would soon follow. I have been in therapy since 1987 and have learned so much about why I was the person I was.  I am a more balanced person having been in therapy.  I have dealt with a lot of painful emotions, grief and sadness. Had I not talked, felt those emotions, I would not have healed.  I know today I was never, ever at fault for what these people did to me.  I was an innocent child looking for someone, anyone to love me.  Today, I love the person I am even with all my faults and frailties.  I have learned to stand up to people who are cruel or mean spirited.  I stand up for myself because I believe in who I am and that I do not deserve anything less than respect.

Amelia 2012

TyCo's Story

I will always find it difficult not to blame the fact that i was born with no a**hole which resulted in the abuse that i endured for all those years.

At the the age of 2 the sexual abuse started at the hands of a male and female day care manager.  I loved going to this day care venue but unfortunately my mother had to return to work and therefore a bus started collecting me from home early in the morning.  As a special treat several of us were allowed to stay up rather than go for an afternoon sleep.  Unfortunately it was during this time that the sexual abuse occured.

At the age of 4 a female neighbour who was about 12 at the time allowed us to go into her backyard to see the pet chickens.  Wow this was a special treat but the price was to let her see what the drs had done to save our life.  So ecause i was use to removing my clothing for adults to show my bottom I naturally removed my clothes for her as well.  regrettably tis led to far more than just showing her what the drs had done over the next 4 years including me having sex with her and her testing to see if the doctors had done their job properly and created an anus that could endure all kinds of things being forced into it.

At the age of 5, for 12 months, I was sodomised by my older step brother which to this stage is probably the event I have dealt with the least out of all the experiences Ive had.

At the age of 8 as I was experiencing yet another event with the female neighbour her father caught us and brought us inside the house.  The was to be the start of 3 years of sexual abuse within a pedophile ring of 7 adults. Most of the time this occured with 5 people at a time with 3 people having their way with me at once.  I was also forced to recruit other children into the ring. 

As a result of being incontinent i occured severe bullying at school from the time I entered elementary school until the time i ended high school.

As a result i have developed several mental illnesses with the main ones being DID (multiple personality disorder), boarderline personality disorder and schizoid personality disorder.

I have resorted to several unhealthy coping strategies including self harminng, gambling addiction, addiction to pornography, bulimia, binge eating, inappropriate use of over the counter medication.

I have OD several times and ended up on life support.  I have spent long periods of time in a mental hospital.

The biggest thing i have learnt is that we never asked to be on this journey but with time and patience we can get through this to the other side and that we are all worthy fighting for the opportunity to be the person God created us to be.